Late diagnosis
Therapy for women diagnosed autistic in adulthood
I work with women who found out late, in their thirties, forties or fifties, and are now re-reading their whole life in a new light. Sessions are 60 minutes, £110, in Fareham, Hampshire or online, with a BABCP-accredited therapist who works with the pattern rather than the symptom list.
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You got an explanation. Nobody warned you it came with grief.
The diagnosis was supposed to be a relief, and for about a fortnight it was. Then came the re-reading: the job you left, the friendship that ended, the year you couldn't explain, the thing your mother said when you were nine. All of it suddenly legible, and none of it recoverable.
Nobody prepares you for grieving a life that already happened. People expect you to be pleased.
The competence problem
You're probably good at things. Possibly very good. You've built a life that works from the outside, on a set of workarounds so automatic you stopped noticing you were running them.
That's exactly why nobody spotted it, and why nobody believes you now. "But you're so capable" is offered as reassurance and lands as erasure. The competence isn't evidence that you're fine. Quite often it's the cost.
Unmasking is not a technique
The internet will tell you to unmask, as though it's a coat you could take off in the hall. In practice the mask was built early, for good reasons, by a child who correctly assessed that being herself was unsafe. It doesn't come off on command, and it shouldn't come off everywhere.
The useful question isn't "how do I stop masking?" It's: where is it still doing a job, where has it outlived its purpose, and what would it take to be unguarded somewhere? Start with one room, not the world.
What the work looks like
I'm trained in CBT, ACT and DBT, and accredited by the BABCP. I don't use them the way you may have met them before.
If you've been through therapy already, you may have been handed thought records and a breathing exercise and quietly concluded you were bad at therapy. You weren't. The tools were built for a different problem. Being handed coping strategies for a life that doesn't fit is like being given painkillers for shoes that are the wrong size.
So the work is architectural. We look at what your system is actually doing and why, which parts are load-bearing, and which ones you've been maintaining out of habit at considerable expense. Then we change the structure rather than your tolerance for it.
If burnout, perfectionism and the sprint-and-crash cycle are the bigger story for you, see therapy for high achievers.
Self-identified counts
NHS waiting lists are years long and private assessment is expensive. If you've done the reading, recognised yourself, and are fairly certain, you don't need a piece of paper before you're allowed support. Come as you are.
Is this a good fit?
This is likely a fit if:
- You were identified in adulthood, or you're privately certain and still waiting.
- You can explain your own patterns more articulately than most professionals, and it hasn't changed anything.
- You're the capable one. People are surprised when you struggle. So are you.
- Previous therapy felt like being handed tools for someone else's problem.
- You want to understand the architecture, not manage the symptoms.
This probably isn't a fit if:
- You want a formal autism or ADHD assessment. That's a different service, and I can point you towards one.
- You're looking for six sessions and a discharge letter.
- You're in crisis or at risk right now. You need a service that can hold that safely, and I'll help you find one rather than pretending to be it.
- You'd rather be given techniques than look at what keeps producing the problem.
Questions
Do I need a formal diagnosis?
No. Self-identification is enough.
I've had therapy before and it didn't help. Why would this be different?
Most standard therapy treats the symptoms a mismatched environment produces. This starts from the mismatch. If you were given coping tools for a structural problem, the tools weren't the issue.
Can we work online?
Yes, and many clients prefer it. Being in your own space, with your own lighting and your own cat, is often the difference between a usable session and an endurance test.
How long does it take?
It varies with what you're bringing. We'll talk about it in the first session and review it together as we go.
How much is it, and how do I book?
Sessions are £110 for 60 minutes. If you have pre-authorised sessions through WPA or Bupa, get in touch before booking.
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